Sharing

Today I have been lying in my bed for most of the day. I have been writing out my memories and I have been doing sub4sub. I had quite some trouble getting my muscle communication working. And I had a fear moving within me of doing the wrong answers and because of that fucking up all the information. And then having to re-start at doing mind-constructs again.

So I did the tests. I do believe that I influenced one test. But I did ask questions and I got answers that I didn’t influenced it. So I’ll do this at the best of my ability and I will see if resonances have anything more to say about this.

So I lied in my bed. I was quite tired. But it was very comfortable to lie in my bed. Very nice. And I lied and I did my sub4sub. Which took a great lenght of time. And then I slept a little.

I had some reactions while doing sub4sub. There was one guy who blocked me. And when I read that I took a really short breath that I held for some time. And then I let go. And then shame started rising. Got warm on my cheeks.
I figure I subscribed him from two accounts with the same message. So I will have to use a different message in the future for all my accounts to not do the same mistake again.

And more than that I didn’t have any problems with my sub for sub. It’s a very slow process to sub for sub here in South Africa. So I am reading what others have written on their channels as I am subbing. I don’t know why everyone has become addicted to this sub for subbing but it’s quite crazy. Everyone wants more subbers. More subscribers. Though there is no sane reason as to why people want to have subscribers.

I have seen there are some artists and others on youtube that want to make a name for themselves and become big. It seems totally frickin impossible to get noticed in any large extenct on youtube today. There are just so fucking many that want’s to be seen, heard, viewed, and they want to become famous.

Anyway, so I am there, looking at this crazyness unfolding at youtube. It’s cool to see that the equality channels are coming through. We are group working together with a higher purpose than self-interest. Fucking cool to see people working together without any money involved. Working for a cause. There are not many groups out there that are as effective as our group. Where people are so dedicated and commited as they are in our group. There is really not much self-interest in our group. Not much of my life. I want to do this my way. Or this is just my hobby. We are really fucking serious about doing this and we are going through with it everyday.

Consistent action from all members everyday. That can’t be seen from any other group. Like project camelot, or other groups. It’s mostly no production coming from all members. And no real will to get educated and actually do something of substance. So it’s fucking cool that I am a part of this group and that I have placed myself in such a cool position to be able to support this movement. I will enjoy this ride a lot.

I watched a video today about voices in the head. And I considered where in my day that I have voices in my head. I didn’t really know. Then I remembered that it is this fricking annoying voice of self-doubt that is my demon. That is the fricking thing that hunts me in must situations.

It’s the voice of doing right and doing wrong. The only way I am able to let it go is to breath and focus on here. I have tried all other methods. But they are really not working at all. Self-forgiveness also helps alot.
Other than that voice, my voices and thoughts are not as hectic anymore. There are still many thoughts moving in me. And each thought is a little memory. But I have the medicine for this. And I am now getting this done once and for all.

So, that is what is going on. I have had some reactions on youtube of jealousy and anger. And one thing is that I often look in the Desteni members channels to see who they are supporting. And I have noticed anger and jealousy when I see that I am not supported. And then I thought to myself. Fuck! I must support myself. But then I thought. But what is the fucking point of supporting myself? What will I gain on supporting myself? There is really nothing to gain in supporting my own channel, doing it just to get my channel to rise. It’s self-interest. It doesn’t lead anywhere but to have a fucked reality.

What is the point of glorifying my own dreams and desires. I mean, I get them fulfilled and then what? I am still fucked in this reality but now I have some shit that makes me feel better. No really, the only point is to support the group called desteni. And to support me to be able to stand and become a lawyer so I can fucking break this spell cast upon this world. So I can get my equal money system in place and so I can enjoy myself and do what I want to do. And that might be in my next life. If there is such a thing as a next life. I don’t I know. What I do know is that self-interest is pointless. And it only leads to my little bubble expanding. But what the hell is the point. I must move desteni. Desteni as a group must move. That is what must be done and that is what will have an effect upon this world as a whole.

Okay, everyone is moving themselves. It’s quite impressive to see all members of desteni consistently putting out videos on youtube. Consistently expressing themselves and giving the message over and over again. It’s cool to see all these figures that are now standing as equality. There are so many different people. And yep, it’s cool to see.
Okay so that is it for today, thanks