Writing is self-love

I am living at the farm. Taking everyday as a oppurtunity to face my reactions. To write about them and apply self-forgiveness. I don’t understand why I haven’t done this before. Taken the things that I experience the most and really looking into them. Writing about them until they are gone.

Today was such a day where everyone seemed dead. It’s strange that it seems like the world is moving as one. Somedays everyone is happy, everyone is cheerful, and the sun shines, and it’s good food that is being served. And then other day’s, like this day, the day after the feast. Everyone is down. And everyone is silent. Getting out of bed with a sigh. That is what I experienced as I went to the horses. Like everyone was completly dead this morning.

I am enjoying my process exstensively. It feels like I am doing it for the first time for myself. Like I am now really applying the tools in my experience. And I don’t care how many times I must apply the same line of forgiveness. I will keep doing it until the experience of fear is anhilated from within me. It’s really the fear that I experience that has been the start of this massive self-forgiveness project. And this massive writing project. I just became so tired of having the same reactions, thoughts day out and day in. And there was never any change no matter how I breathed. Or how much I applied myself as a presence. There was a change needed in my application. And here I am. Applying myself everyday with the tools recomended. And I am truly enjoying myself.

I see the importance of consistency. Consistency in writing, consistency in applying self-forgiveness. These are the tools that I will allow myself to use a minimum of one time a day. It’s such a magnificent experience to simply sit down and write. Or sit down and apply self-forgiveness. And it is what makes my life truly worth something. It’s actually the time I enjoy most during my day. It’s this small and simple time of sitting down. Writing my experience out and then applying self-forgiveness. It’s such a simple action.
I notice few doing this for themselves. Though I am not sure as everyone seem to walk their own process in silence. But last time I was here I stopped applying self-forgiveness because nobody else did so. This time I am not going to do the same mistake again. This time I am going to make this a daily routine, as it is so assisting for me in terms of establishing a stability, a silence, and a self-trust.
No more supression of self-forgiveness. No more supression of writing self to freedom. These are the tools that I have been waiting for in terms of finally standing up and correcting myself to be able to live in self-honesty.

Writing challenges me. Because I can’t really find a topic to write about. I want to go into my mind to search for a topic that i can write about. But I never find a topic that satisfies me. Satisfied me expectations of what the topic should be about. How I should write and what I write should be about.

To write helps me in expressing myself here without any expectation, with any past and without any future. To simply express myself here and allow the words to flow from within. The fountain of life.

I am enjoying the prospects of my future. As I see how I am going to set up my life and focus upon only a few expressions these years that are to come. My life that is to comes. Specific expressions that I enjoy. And I see how I will be able to do this with ease. As I will at the same time support myself to remain stable, clear and silent through writing. Self-forgiveness and SRA.

I will focus upon my music, with my entire heart. I will focus upon my music with my entire beingness. Not heart. That is only a part of me. Not the entirety of who I am as my human physical body.

I will focus upon my participation on youtube, my studies. And that is about it. There won’t be anything more to my life than these things. And these things will assist me in remaining here, and enjoying myself.

When I come to sweden I also feel like I want to swim or do something with my body. In terms of supporting my body. Like massage or something. There are many expressions that are taking form in my life. Stuff that are opening up that actually makes it, as if I have not enough time to do them all. But it’s only as I look at my life from my mind. In trying to calculate and see what it is that i am going to do through planning all the activities in my head.

I breath and I look in the moment what is needed to be done. Then there is no confusion and there is no lack of time. Here in the moment there is always sufficient with time. Here there is one breath. I either act in full awareness. Or I am possesed by my mind as energy as thoughts.

Yes, it’s fascinating.

Right now Bernard walks past here and I experience some uncomfort within me. As Bernard is unpredictable. Bernard doesn’t act according to patterns and Bernard has no fear.

I noticed when I speak with Bernard how I can’t use my mind to speak with him. He speaks with me in a way that I can’t use any knowledge to communicate with him. It’s like I go completely blank when I speak with him. And then I must just trust myself in the moment and say what is here. Without any mind at all.
I am looking forward towards doing music. I am looking forward towards perfecting my music. And releasing an album. I am looking forward to give lot’s of attention to my music and making it perfect. Making every part of a song filled with attention. Not leaving anything for lazyness.

I have noticed this lazyness destroying my ability to make effective and cool songs. Like yesterday when it was suggested to slow the song down, and I wanted to escape from that. I wanted to get the song finished fast. Instead of giving time to perfect all aspects of the song. The lyrics, the rythm. Make all aspects perfect. And make sure that my expression within all parts of the song is perfect.
This is how I can really get satisfied with my songs. And this is what I will aim to do with my music.

I will create the songs on one instrument. Make the song perfect, make the song so that I can play it fluently. This is a important part of the creation process. Where I place the lyrics into the song to see the flow of the words. To see if the words are flowing and are allowing me to express them as a flow in the song.

When these parts are placed satisfactorly. Then comes the recording part. The recording part should be the quick part of making a song. It should be the part that takes, least time. As the song should already be perfect and created when it comes to the recording part.

So this is how I will create songs in the future. Everything in breath. Yet within principles, working in breath as principles. Where I establish the song as a expression of myself. As a perfect platform of self-expression. Where it goes easy, where it goes smooth.

So this is what I have realized in terms of my music. That I should not give in to lazyness. And this is the first time, with Esteni. That I have really given myself a lot of time in completing a song. And making a song perfect. Perfect. It’s really cool to give a creation of me so much attention. So much care. And this is something that I will continue to do as I create my album. Song for song. Breath by breath. It will be a fun thing to do.