My day in writing

Okay, I am here.
Quite sweaty and quite tired. And I got do sub4sub before I go to bed. It’s fucking warm here today.
Today I noticed anger with my sister that I had to go to the bank and fix shit to get her appartment in stockholm ready. I investigated and looked at the anger and it seemed to be based in feeling like I am being taken for granted. And also feeling like my sister doesn’t take any responsibility but is just fucking around. And me feeling like I was being used for having to stay in town during a day. Which isn’t so. I could have easily gone home. And then simply taken the bus to the town next day. Which is actually more practical because Peter is sleeping town. Depending at what time I get home I will take a bus home and arrange a ride home. And then the day after I will take a bus into town. Or I will sleep in my sisters room that night. I will speak to my sister about it tomorrow.
I have no real problem with staying in town. I like to be in town. The only problem would be that I have lot’s of shit with me when I got to Denmark. And also that I won’t really feel at home. But other than that I have no problems towards sleeping in town.
So that is that, some anger and frustration. I have gotdamn pains all over my body also and I feel this pressure on certain body parts. Especially my knee and under my head I have lot’s of pressure. It feel quite uncomfortable to say the least.
Today when I had a chat with Dimensions I freaked out a little bit. And went into reactions. I usually don’t go that much into reactions but with the dimensions I did it. I also pushed mysefl to be directive with dimensions and to drive the situation so to speak. But there was a lot of fear doing that. And I noticed the fear coming up all the time of making them angry, or driving over them with my behaviour. And when they told me that I was participating in ego I was quite shocked, i did experience energies. I didn’t know really how I manifested it just. But it became evident with Sunette and the dimensions that there where energies within me.
Yes, I have a lot easier speaking with the camera. I enjoy myself more now and feel more confident in just speaking about all that comes up. Before I placed all these rules onto myself as what i could speak about and what I could not speak about. Now I am flowing much more nicely. It seems like all this self-support is really helping me to get out of the mind. I have written so many thousands of pages of words in all various contexts. It’s like these lasts months I have just been writing words and expressing words all the time. I almost feel quite tired of expressing and working with words all the time.
Dimensions told me one line of support. To just continue applying myself and move myself to do what I see has relevancy for me in my world. And so that is what I continue to do. Just move myself everyday. My swedish channel, i think I won’t continue, I won’t have any particular use for it. It will take to much time to get a swedish channel running. I will use my old one and simply start posting in both languages. Both english and swedish. And making vlogs in both english and swedish.
Yet my blog is effective in swedish, and my equal money blog will have to rest for now.
So that is what I am going through. Some emotions and some feelings. Yet it is calming down.
Oh, these last two days I have experienced like exstensive guilt in the morning when I have waken up. Guilt and various shit have come up. Don’t know what to write about it more than that. It’s experiences that come up within me in the morning.
Oh, and my mornings are going a lot easier. I am actually able to get up in the morning without dying completly. I actually enjoy getting up in the morning some days. Which is like really cool for me. It’s like I have finally started to see life in some small ways. Because I have begun to enjoy myself and feel a purpose in my life again. I feel like there are actually things that are important for me to do. That are important for everyone that I do. Stuff that must be done and that can’t be waited with.
So that is where I am at now. Just moving myself everyday. And the dimensions told me to do it until it becomes a natural expression. And never stop. But just move myself all the time until it’s naturally here. I have come quite far on that road because it’s a lot more naturally here than it was before. Before I had a fucking struggle doing anything. Now it’s only a slight pain to do anything at all.
So, this will conclude my writing for today, I will also do some self-forgiveness
1. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be proper and correct
2. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being inproper and incorrect
3. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking, saying or doing the wrong thing
4. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing myself in a wrong way
5. I forgive myself that i have accepted adna llowed myself to attempt to be proper, attempt to consider others from a starting point of conducting myself specifically to seem proper and good
6. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to be good
7. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being to pushy and to directive
8. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being inproper and crossing boundries of other people
9. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking into someone that is on the bathroom
10. I forgive myself that i have accepted adn allowed myself to fear being inproper and walking into anothers life
11. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear making others disgusted and angry with my presence
12. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking to much place and being regarded as stupid by other people
13. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i am writing something or saying something that i am not allowed to say or write to the dimensions
14. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within the polarity of being proper and inproper
15. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within the polarity of being correct and incorrect
16. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for speakking and writing pleading to the dimensions
17. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being misunderstood by the dimensions
18. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the dimensions are going to become pissed of at me
19. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing myself incorrectly and in a way that the dimensions will view as not being good
20. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a bad and inferior being
21. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being dishonest and ego tripping
22. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear and be ashamed and feel bad over myself when the dimensions point out points of self-dishonesty
23. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into the mind to see what i am doing
24. I forgive myself that i ahve not allowed myself to stop and be here in every moment
25. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear crossing a line with the dimensions, in fear that the dimensions are going to become pissed of at me
26. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the dimensions are going to think that i am inproper
27. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being inproper infront of my mother
28. I forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to consider myself as a proper and good being
29. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel like i am a good being that always do the right things
30. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel like ia m liked by others because i am a good being
31. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing something that is bad
32. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing myself in a bad manner
33. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist in the polarity of bad and good and right adn wrong
34. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing mc wrong
35. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing with muscle communication
36. I forgive myself that i have accepted an dallowed myself to want to do muscle communication correctly and proper
37. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have correct and proper respones
38. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the dimensions are going to show me that i am having thoughts about me in relation to other people, in how i ma better than other people
39. I forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to want to see myself as a holy and good being that never has any bad thoughts about anyone
40. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to see myself as a proper and correct being that always succeds and does everything in the right manner
41. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get attention with my music
42. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i am doing the music on the wrong language
43. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that nobody will see my music, to fear that i am pre-moting myself in a inproper manner on the internet
44. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear writing or saying something bad or judgemental about another being
45. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being considered as a inproper and judgemental being
46. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being considered as a bad being
47. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people are going to stop speaking with me because they think i am bad
48. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people are going to dislike being with me because they think i am inproper and bad
49. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to present myself as a proper and correct being that never have done any fault or mistake
50. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go and enjoying myself
51. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear pushing through my fears
52. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i will be dishonest with the resonances or hurt the resonances with my behaviour
53. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ego with resonances, in fear that they will see that and mention it to me
54. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing anything wrong infront of my mother
55. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing anything wrong infront of my father
56. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing anything that might draw attention to itself as being wrong and inproper
57. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being inproper with the dishes and leave dishes after me, in fear that i will be punished for that, and somehow go to hell for such a action
58. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to be proper in fear of going to hell
59. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i will be declined access to heaven if i am not proper and correct and right in all i do
60. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the belief that there is a hell and a heaven and that i will become punished
61. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i will become punished and burn eternally in hell
62. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allwoed myself to fear doing something wrong or bad in fear that people are going to look down upon me as a unpure being
63. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as athe opposite of innocence and purity
64. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to present myself as innocence and purity to feel good and okay about myself
65. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that it’s going to be revealed that i am not innocence and purity
66. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not being innocence and purity
67. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for not being innocence and purity
68. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself and judge myself for having secrets
69. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have secrets even for myself
70. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a reputition with people of being good and trustworthy
71. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be proper, pure, good and trustworthy in terms of how others see me
72. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place trust in what other people tell to me about me
73. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become influenced about waht other people tell to me about me
74. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and change myself and create a experience within me the moment someone in my reality tells me something about mysefl
75. I forgive myself that i have accepted anda llowed myself to place higher trust in the people around me than in myself
76. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people around me know me and see me better than what i see myself
77. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself and to balance out this self-hate seek acceptance and recognition from people around
78. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not love myself
79. I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to love myself and and appreciate myself
80. I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to appreciate myself and recognize myself
I am here
I am self-appreciation
I am self-trust
I am self-direction
I am self-movement
I am here